Going Once, Going Twice, Sold!
by ColieMacKenzie
Summary: Harm has a charity evening to attend... with interesting results! Romance and Humor in a little oneshot piece. Written for the HBX November Challenge.


Written for the HBX November Challenge. The challenge lines used are from the episode 'Retreat, Hell' and are marked in cursive.

Harm has a charity evening to attend... with interesting results!

**A/N:** A silly little excursion I cooked up for the HBX challenge; sorta my first stab at something humorous - but of course also very shippery! Please enjoy!

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**Going Once… Going Twice… Sold!**

How did I get roped into this silly thing again? It will be so embarrassing, never mind degrading! But it's too late to get out of it now, and I promised to do it. I grab my cover from my desk to head on home and get ready, when I see her flitting through the bullpen. That's it; I'll need some moral support tonight, that's what I'll need.

"Mac," I call out, and she comes to a stop and turns in my direction. Oh, that smile of hers... If she knew that my knees go weak every time she smiles at me, I think I'd never win another case against her.

"_Do you have plans tonight?_"

"I'm going out to dinner, why?"

"Oh, never mind then," I dismiss my own question, and start heading in the direction of the elevator. I'm trying hard to hide my disappointment, but I probably wasn't very successful because she grabs my sleeve to halt my flight.

"I'm just meeting my AA sponsor," she tells me, "but it already wasn't the most convenient for her; I could meet her tomorrow instead." She's looking at me that way again, and I'm melting on the inside. I won't show it, of course; outwardly I'm trying to pull off manly and unfazed. Oh, who am I kidding…?

"Uhm, you see, I have this charity thing to go to tonight…" I am fumbling, this will be so embarrassing.

"It's for a children's benefit, which is the only reason I agreed to the silly concept… My mom roped me into; well my mom knows someone, who knows someone, who throws this thing, and they thought I should participate…" She's giving me her own personal just-spit-it-out-Harmon look, the slightly amused, slightly impatient, slightly curious one.

"Uhm, you see, it's one of those auction things…"

"What is being auctioned off?"

"Men!" I blurt out, and the next thing I know, she bursts out laughing.

"Oh, and one of those men to be auctioned off is you?" She seems to find the concept extremely hilarious; I can't blame her, if it weren't me who has to do it, I'd laugh, too.

"Yeah, so, uhm, I could really use some moral support to get through it, you know, from my best friend." I give her my you-can't-deny-me-anything smile, and I'm aware I'm being a bit manipulative, but I know that the best friend line will do the trick.

"I wouldn't want to miss that show for the world," she grins at me, trying to contain her laughter. Just you wait till I get back at you for this, MacKenzie.

"Great!" I sigh in relief, "Thank you, Mac. In that case, we should get going though; this thing starts early so that after the auction, the winners can head off into the sunset with their prizes…" She giggles at that again. "Pick you up at 1800?"

"Ok… no, wait." She replies, "I should come pick you up. This way, I have my own ride home, and you won't need your car since you will be given a ride." My mouth drops open at that, and one look tells me she meant it just as suggestively as she said it. Boy that woman can flirt if she wants to. I have to laugh.

"Right. Good idea. See you soon then." Another one of what she refers to as my flyboy smiles thrown at her, and then I'm on the elevator heading home. Suddenly, my evening is looking a lot less bleak.

**o o o o o**

At 1800 on the dot I arrive at his doorstep. Why is it that the two of us can never do anything the conventional way? We sort of have a date, if you look at it from an outside perspective, as we are going to a charity ball event thing together. Yet we don't call it a date. I, the woman, pick up him, the man. I'm dressed to impress, but he will go home with another woman. And knowing all this, I still readily agreed to go with him. Not that he'd ever ask me out on a real date anyways. I'd bang my head against the wall if I weren't afraid to ruin my hair. I sigh, accept my fate, and knock at his door.

It flies open, and there he is. I think I'm gaping at him, but I can't help it. It usually already throws me off course when I see him in his dress whites, but what that man does to a suit should be illegal. It's dark, and he accentuated it by wearing a shirt in a color quite similar to his eyes, and a tie a couple of shades darker. My tummy is fluttering wildly, robbing me of my breath. I wish I could unknot his tie and unhurriedly pull it off his neck…

"Earth to MacKenzie," I'm suddenly thrown out of my fantasy world by a hand waving in front of my face.

"_Why are you staring at me?_" He sounds a bit like he's mocking me, the b…

"_You're out of uniform,_" I blurt out. Duh, like that wasn't obvious. I would really like my ability to form coherent sentences to be given back to me!

"Yeah, well I thought maybe the Navy might not approve of the concept if I do this in my dress whites, so I decided on a suit instead." He smiles at me, and a wave of desire crashes through me, so powerful I'm almost drowning in it.

"Shall we?" he asks, crooking his elbow. I slide my arm through the formed loop and off we go.

**o o o o o**

By the time we reach the venue where the charity evening is held, we have reverted to our general chatting about everything and nothing. It was a little awkward there at my door, but the moment passed quickly. The fact that she likes me in my suit makes me feel totally elated – not that she'd said anything, but I could tell from her reaction. I'm really not quite as dense when it comes to her… okay, I am that dense when it comes to her, might as well be honest with myself. Why am I not just asking her out for once?

I watch her driving; her nose has this cute little wrinkle that tells me she is concentrating on the traffic, which is still quite heavy at this hour. I notice that her hair is mussed up somehow, not as straight as she usually wears it, more like she threw her head down, shook her hair, then came back up and the hair just remained that messy way. The effect is incredibly sexy, probably because it makes me think of what she might look like in the morning, after a night of intense, steamy love-making… Jeez, Rabb, get a grip! Ok, I resolve, that's it – I will ask her out, some day soon… very soon.

Once we are parked, I head around the car to help her out. Her arm once again slides through the crook of my elbow, and I lead her into the building. When I sign in, I'm given my instructions for the evening. I am to mix and mingle for an hour, but should make my way behind the stage around 1930 until my name is called out during the auction, at which point I am to strut across something dangerously looking like a catwalk. All the while, Mac is looking at me from the side, with quiet amusement written all over her face, and I blush just a little. I'm grateful the foyer is not that brightly lit so she doesn't notice. God, this is going to be embarrassing!

To her utter surprise, Mac is then handed a sign with a number on it and has to put her name on a list. Every woman receives one, we are informed, so she can do some bidding if she were so inclined. Now it's her turn to be embarrassed, and I snicker at her. As an answer, she swats the plastic sign on my arm.

"Laugh all you want, Sailor boy, but who knows, maybe I'll get myself the man of my dreams tonight!" With that, she heads of towards the cloak room, with me right behind her.

She stands in line at the cloak room, and I come up behind her. It comes in handy that I am about a head taller than her, because it allows me to look over and see that her jacket is already unbuttoned. I reach around her, one arm on each side of her shoulders, and take the lapels of her coat. Deliberately slow, I open it wider and wider, then pull it over her shoulders, revealing her bare shoulders, her bare neck, her bare arms to me. I can't help it; I let my fingers graze across every part of her skin that I pass by when I take off her coat. She's standing so close to me that I can notice her breath catching in her throat and goose bumps breaking out on her skin. Everything around me fades and I'm suddenly aware of only the two of us, standing in such close proximity. She turns around, and I take her in, all of her. She looks breathtakingly beautiful, in a dress the color of rich red wine. It is only held up by thin straps over her shoulders, and is accentuating every lush curve she has, flowing over her body. I can't take my eyes off her.

"Now you are staring at me," she points out, in a barely there whisper, "_you'd think you'd never seen me in a dress before_."

"I have, I guess I've just never allowed myself to pay close enough attention – until now." My voice is just as coarse, sexy and a little suggestive, because I'm really done trying to hide how attracted I am to her. We are staring at each other now; I hardly noticed that I've scooted closer to her, our bodies almost touching, her warm eyes on me, her full lips shiny and slightly opened…

"Who's next?" A loud voice interrupts us, and the spell is broken. Like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar, we break apart to face cloakroom lady. I hand over our coats, and then Mac and I head into the ballroom.

We get something to drink and mingle in the crowds. I'm so glad I asked her to come along; it makes the whole evening so much more bearable. I mean, there's nobody else with her sense of humor, roping me into a game of guess-the-secret-life of the people around us, none of which we know, also known as make-fun-of-strangers. All too quickly, an hour has passed, and Mac lets me know that it is 1930. I sigh, accepting my fate. Before I leave though, I have to kiss her. It's just a barely-there kiss, our lips touch all but a second, yet the electricity is undeniable. I want her to remember that moment before she considers buying another man for herself.

**o o o o o**

So far, this evening has definitely turned out much more promising than I ever thought it would. I find myself in a constant state of jittery nerves, tingling toes, fluttering tummy; breathlessly awaiting the next time he might touch me. Never would I have expected him to kiss me though, and yet he did. Only to then head off to be sold to some other woman. I cannot believe him!

Sort of bored, I watch the procession of bachelors passing across the stage. Could I look at things objectively, I'd say some of them were quite attractive, with many interesting professions. The common conception among women that 'all the good men are taken' seemingly doesn't quite hold true considering this parade of fascinating male-ness. None of them hold a candle to my Flyboy though. Oh my, I have it bad.

Then it's him on stage. I can almost feel how every woman in the room suddenly stands at attention, figuratively speaking. The auctioneer is rattling of Harm's naval aviator turned JAG lawyer life story, and when the bidding starts, women are outbidding each other in rapid succession. I look up at him, and even though he looks a bit embarrassed, he cannot hide the fact that he is pleased by all the attention he's getting.

When the numbers reach a couple of thousand, the bidding slows down a bit; there's about three women right now who seem to be willing to dish out the really big bucks tonight for a date with my Flyboy. All of them are blonde, I realize. My ire is rising; will I have to live through the next round of him falling for another blonde that's completely wrong for him? 7,000 $, one just bid, 8,000 the next. I cannot believe my own stupidity, why do I do this to myself? Why did I come along tonight, just to get my heart broken again? 9,000 $ just came from blonde number three…

"15,000 Dollar!" Oh no, tell me I did not just do that? I look at my arm, and yup, sure enough, it is lifted up, with my plastic sign sticking in the air. The whole room gasps collectively at the high amount of money, and everybody is staring at me. I wish the floor would just open up and swallow me down. I feel the heat rising in my cheeks, and just like one is unable to look away from an accident scene, my eyes come up to look at him. He's staring at me as well, his eyes burning into mine. What was I thinking, offering that much money? I saved that for my future. Oh who am I kidding, this man is my future. At least, I wish he were…

I suddenly become aware of another set of eyes boring into mine. Slowly I turn my head away from him, and realize it is blonde number three that has all her attention riveted on me. I can only watch as she slowly raises her sign. Her eyes never leaving mine, she announces: "25,000 Dollar." I gasp.

"Going once…, going twice…, sold!" The auctioneer's voice is barely registering in my head. Blonde Renée-clone gives me a smug look, then turns around, dazzles a smile at my Sailor – correction, my ex-Sailor, and heads off towards the stage to claim her purchase.

I can barely hold myself together after that. For outward appearances, I stay through another three men on stage, then get the hell out of there. On my way home, I stop at the grocery store to buy a pint of Fossil Fuel, my favorite ice cream. It has chocolate fudge pieces in the form of dinosaurs. If that evening wasn't enough reason to indulge in too much ice cream, then I don't know what warrants it. I probably blew my chances for good tonight. How will I ever be able to face him again?

**o o o o o**

Almost one o'clock in the morning finds me in front of her door. When I was 'sold', I lost track of her, and then I was quickly whisked away to dinner by Linda-Sue, with a hyphen, as I had been informed. We went to a wonderful and romantic Italian restaurant that Linda-Sue recommended. It was a surprisingly pleasant evening; Linda-Sue turned out to be an interesting conversationalist, and her slight southern drawl was endearing. In the back of my mind though, there was a constant rerun of the evening's events. I can't get past the fact that Mac had told me she might bid for the man of her dreams tonight, and then she made a bid – for me. And a high one at that! I have to find out what that was all about, no matter how late it is. I take a deep breath, then knock at her door.

"Hey Mac," I greet her when the door opens, then strut past her into her apartment as if it were the most normal thing in the world to come over for a visit at one in the morning. The cockiness I display is really all done in a desperate attempt to hide the wave of emotion washing over me when I see her. She's still wearing her dress, although it is a bit wrinkled on one side now, as if she had been laying on it. Her hair is messier, and there's a tiny speck of what I presume to be chocolate on her chin.

"Uh Harm, hi. How was your evening with what's her name?" She sounds confused, yet masked by it I detect something else in her voice, a little annoyance, maybe, or rather jealousy? Good, that's sorta what I'm hoping for.

"Linda-Sue," I announce, "Linda-Sue is her name, with a hyphen." I grin at her and lift my eyebrows. Not surprisingly, I get a glare in return.

"It was a lovely evening, actually. We went for dinner, had a pleasant conversation. She's from the South, oh and I should also mention, she's filthy rich." Still grinning, I look at her. I can practically see the ire rising in her, how she's getting angry over why I am bothering her with my successes. I just want to goad her a little bit, to get her a tad worked up so I might stand a chance at extracting the truth behind her actions tonight. Not too much though, I don't want her to throw me out. It's time to turn the tables on her now. She's still standing close to the door, and I advance towards her, slowly, in measured steps.

"She's also happily married." I state. Her head snaps up.

"She participates in this event every year, by agreement with her husband. For the children, she says. She also says it's a nice way to make new friends." I'm really close to her now, and she backs away, until she can't go any further because her back is against the door. Perfect. I come close again, until I'm right in front of her, and she has no means to escape. I really hope she won't want to, either.

"Just friends." I drive the point home. She is staring up at me now, her chest heaving in a rapid rhythm. Her proximity almost makes me forget everything around us, but I need to ask.

"She was asking about you though," I forge on, hoping I'll still be able to form somewhat coherent sentences with her body so close to mine.

"About the woman, who made a really high bid for only one man, then looked as though she couldn't believe what she had done…" I bring my hands up and place them against the door, one on each side of her head, as much to brace myself as to keep her close to me. I feel like she is pulling me in; a mystic draw exuding from her that I can no longer ignore, nor do I want to. Our faces are really close together now, and I whisper:

"Why were you bidding for me, Sarah?"

**o o o o o**

I have lost all ability to think. I can feel his warm breath fanning across my face when he speaks; I can feel the heat coming off his body; I'm overwhelmed by his smell, clean and musky. His eyes have turned dark and are boring into mine. Uh, I think he just asked me something. I'm trying to shake my head clear from the sensations and answer as neutral as I can.

"Uhm… I was trying to…drive up the price for you…" I meant to sound sure, but it comes out in a strangled whisper. I think I'm doomed.

"You could have a date with me for free, you know," he states calmly, completely ignoring what I just said. Damn, when did he learn to read me that well?

"You could have just asked," he continues in a whisper. He's even closer now, his body intimately pressed up against mine.

"Ask me, Sarah." He challenges me, daring me to go for it. I want to be annoyed at him for putting me on the spot, but I realize at the same time that all evening, he has made his advances, made his intentions known. By touching me, by his compliments, by kissing me. Suddenly I don't even remember why I was fighting it in the first place…

"Harm," I whisper, "would you go out with me on a…. mphffffmm." The rest of my sentence is muffled by the searing kiss he's planting on my lips. He didn't need to hear it all, merely needed to know that I wanted it as well. His lips are on mine, and I stop thinking. It's time to feel. His lips are rubbing across mine, his tongue outlining them, begging for entrance. I open my mouth to him, and then there's no holding back. Our tongues are dueling madly; he's discovering my mouth like nobody ever has before. I feel like I'm drowning in him, desire is pooling in my belly, my legs are weakening with the onslaught of sensations washing over me. I want him so much I'm whimpering. The whole evening has put me in a constant state of arousal that now finds its overwhelming culmination.

I bring my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. His arms had somehow wandered to my waist, but now I feel them sliding down, over my six and down my thighs, until suddenly I'm picked up and find myself trapped fully against the door on my back and him on my front. I've never been so comfortable. I can't help but wrap my legs around his hips, and he moans. We continue kissing madly; I give him everything I am. All my pent-up emotions that I have kept hidden for years are going into this kiss. And I can read everything he's never told me in his kiss as well. We're wild and demanding and desirous, and it's perfect.

I whimper when he suddenly pulls away. His eyes are darkened by desire, and they are asking a silent question. I don't need to hear the words, I know them. And I answer in the only way that I think is necessary now. Sometimes actions do speak louder than words.

So I smile at him seductively, and then I unknot his tie and unhurriedly pull it off his neck…

_THE END _


End file.
